Only Nine Years

My brother, Daniel, was taken from us nine years ago. It feels like forever and I know it was just a few days ago.

The thick scab over my soul remains in place. The ache has never left.

I am acutely aware of his absence in December.

He loved to come and listen to the Vocal Arts sing.

Especially at Christmas.

He would sit in the pews at the Mission while we rehearsed. He would help usher at the concerts. He would encourage me and my daughter. Some years he could not make it. Some years he was driving his truck with some load to some place that was a thousand years from our music.

I would send him recordings and call him nearly every day. He was always amazed at the music that Vocal Arts performed. The last concert that he heard was our 2010 Christmas Concert in the San Luis Obispo Mission. He loved it.

His brain died eight days later.

This last weekend was the 2019 Vocal Arts Christmas Concerts. Danny was in my heart and on my mind. I sang for him.

I know he would have been proud of our performance.

This is the Morten Lauridsen ‘Ave Maria’ as performed on December 8, 2019 by the Vocal Arts of California.

Ave Maria-CPAC 12_19 7:21 0

As I listen to it, I see him, in his black leather jacket, his long legs sticking out into the aisle at the Mission. There was a sparkle in his eyes and a smile on his face. I see him at his last concert. White shirt, bolo tie, and black leather vest. A grin on his face.

I miss him.

Categories: Brothers, Daniel, grief, Morten Lauridsen, Music, Uncategorized, Vocal Arts EnsembleTags: ,


  1. Such a very touching and sincere post. Your words generously reflect the love you have for your brother. Peace and blessings to you this Christmas season.

    Liked by 1 person

  2. Thank you. December is a hard month.


  3. Never having had a sibling to lose, I can only imagine what it’s like. Your moving post makes the relationship vivid to me.


  4. I, perceived as cold and very hard-hearted sit here listening to your performance and reading your homage to your Brother with a little tear not only in my eyes but a sadness in my being with concern for you. I understand your emotion as there is a universal feeling when it comes to our family and friends. Blessing to the life of your Brother.


  5. Thank you, Derrick. I know you recognize the feelings.

    Liked by 1 person

  6. Thinking of you with love. I can hear in your words how much you love your brother and how much you miss him xx #SeniSal

    Liked by 1 person

  7. Beautiful. Thank you for sharing.


  8. I don’t know why I didn’t comment on this when I first read it. I guess I couldn’t find the right words to support you. I still can’t! Take care, Gael #SeniSal

    Liked by 1 person

  9. Clive, your loss of words simply adds to you support. I thank you for caring so very much. It means more than you will every know. Thank you.

    Liked by 1 person

  10. Having lost my own brother before his time I am moved by this post.


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