He was at our Vocal Arts Concert on December 4, 2010. On December 13, 2010, I sat by his bedside in Redding and sang to him. I stroked his hair. I tried to ignore the tubes and machines. I talked to him.

He was on life support until a transplant team could arrive and use him to save others.

Today is the 11th anniversary of that horrible night. It doesn’t seem to matter how long ago that was. The pain, even when I am not conscious of it, is always there. And on this day, every year, I feel him close. Every year I apologize for yelling at him. I thought he would be ok. I thought if I could get him to calm down, he would be ok. I thought I could apologize later.

Here is what I wrote two days after the machines went quiet.

I miss him so much.

Categories: Brothers, Daniel, griefTags: , , ,


  1. Hitting ‘like’ doesn’t seem right, somehow, but I do it as a mark of support. I’m so sorry for your loss of Dan.


  2. Thank you, Clive. Here is a song we will be singing at our March concert. At rehearsals this month it has been a real comfort. I thought you might like it.

    Liked by 1 person

  3. That’s beautiful, Gael. I’m glad your music is bringing you comfort 🙏

    Liked by 1 person

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