Diving between rage and despair.

Watching television. At least it is good BBC stuff.

Throwing a tennis ball while reading trashy mystery novels. The dogs intrigued by my mental absence. Never looking them in the eye, just waiting for them to place that gooey, dirty thing in my hand. Turning the page with the other hand.

Listening to the thunderstorms and the rain in the trees. Noticing that the gutters are full.

Messaging friends, ordering food on line while playing a game of solitaire.

Worrying about my child. Worrying about my brother. Worrying about the neighbors, my music teacher, my trainer, my hairdresser, my friends overseas, my friends here, my high school friends. Their kids. Their jobs. Their lives.

Worrying. Wondering. Fearing.

Noticing and realizing that there is nothing, not a thing, that I can do.

Except staying home.


Dealing with the fear. Where is it? Who has it?

Remembering the Litany Against Fear…

I must not fear.
Fear is the mind-killer.
Fear is the little-death that brings total obliteration.
I will face my fear.
I will permit it to pass over me and through me.
And when it has gone past I will turn the inner eye to see its path.
Where the fear has gone there will be nothing.
Only I will remain.

Bene Gesserit Litany Against Fear – From Frank Herbert’s Dune Book Series

© 1965 and 1984 Frank Herbert
Published by Putnam Pub Group
ISBN: 0399128964

It takes about 22 seconds to recite the Litany.

Going to wash my hands.

Again. For 22 seconds.

Fear is the mind killer….

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  1. Hang in there, and stay safe. Love,Cathy


  2. Hello my friend. I’m sorry you’re so worried. I hope you can find away to tamp down your fear. I’m certainly concerned but my grandma taught me over and over to believe what will be will be. Worrying and fretting won’t change a thing but it is sure easier said than done. This COVID19 is serious business for sure and I wish more people would take it seriously. You wouldn’t believe how many cars were parked in Shell Beach on Saturday with people crowding on the Pismo Preserve like it was nothing more than a beautiful day. It’s like they think if they can get out and climb a mountain or go to their gym they will die. And the worst is their complaining like it is their rights that are being taken away.

    I for certain understand your concern and fear for Melodie since I assume she was in the courthouse many times when the COVID19 broke out with someone there. I’m thinking positive thoughts for her safety. You’re in my thoughts and in my heart. I’d feel a lot better if we didn’t have a f’ing idiot for a president lying every time he opens his mouth. I’d also feel better of so many of my so-called friends would stop believing his bullshit. Big hug! Julie Sent from my iPad


    Liked by 1 person

  3. That is one of my husband’s favourite passages, Gael.
    Thank you for reminding me of it.


  4. I love your posts, Gael. And yes, fear is indeed a mindkiller. Those without minds of their own like to kill other minds, so they can remain in power. Ugh. Fear of intellect … fear of science … fear of the unknown … fear of what might come to light about them … that is what seems to have put these MoFos in power. A little healthy fear, respect, can push us to wash our hands carefully and to keep a bit of distance to protect others and ourselves, but let’s follow the money. My retirement is disappearing in a way that reminds me of the Halliburton/Anderson/Enron fiasco in Texas when so many lost their savings. And who gets richer? Those who trade in fear. I know it’s more complicated and I know I do not know anything, really, about how money works. I’m just frustrated. And I have to work, now from home, which is making me crazy because I don’t like doing so much on a computer. I miss the classroom – teaching, real teaching, cannot happen on a computer (I’m convinced), which does not mean that students who want to learn cannot learn. It just puts the onus more on them, and I teach many students who already have a lot to contend with just to be in college in the first place. Thanks for listening. Hope to see you in the fall. -Kathi

    Liked by 1 person

  5. Take care and stay safe and well 👍


  6. I think that you have the right idea. I may follow. As soon as the sun goes down. Great post,

    Liked by 1 person

  7. I don’t want you to be afraid . This life style is a postponement. We will continue on in a bit. Hopefully, we will continue on a bit smarter. I pray for Melody and others that aren’t getting the protection they should. That is real. The rest, Gael, is just a delay. You are an extrovert & it is hitting you harder than others because of it. You want to meet wit us, hold us, touch us in some physical way so you know we are all right. You will. It will just be in a bit of time . We’re are ok. Do call us, FaceTime us, talk to Melody daily (unless you start bugging her 😊), write in your journal, weave, & keep your puppies active. Don’t be afraid for us. We are taking care of ourselves. (Well, most of us are. Those that aren’t you couldn’t change their actions even if you could hug them.) we need you to take care if you!!! Being afraid is not taking care of you! Thinking you are invisible is not taking care of you! We love you!!! You, my extrovert, will make this. It’s just a delay!!❤️

    Sent from my iPhone


    Liked by 1 person

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